Is it normal (whatever that is) for a widower to have bi-ual thoughts?

I just ask because I recently lost my wife of 31yrs and have had bi-ual thoughts. And for someone such as myself to have only had 2 partners ever the first being me being more afraid than she, and the other being my wife that I not only loved but grewup with in the marriage with her, have 3 great adult children, 4 too-die (meaning I would do anything for grandchildren enjoyed with wife but when she went into menopause and would not seek any help the drive was gone for both of us. So, someone losing their hair, need dentures but don't want nor can afford , adult child that lives at home has brain injury from car accident years ago. What is the outlook? I know what I make it but there is where the confusion comes in. what do I make of these thoughts?